Baseball Annie Settles for Baltimore

Jan 30, 2006

Kris Benson, newest acquisition for the fairly pathetic Orioles, believes that he has found a home in Baltimore.

His wife, on the other hand, has already found her way into Baltimore, and New York, and Chicago, etc. etc. etc.

You see, Anna Benson is a "model" of sorts. By "model" I mean shameless, unprincipled trollope.
Hope I spelled that right.

This is the same woman, remember, that stated her intent to service the entire 40 man roster of whatever team Kris happened to be a part in the event that she found out that her husband was cheating on her. My question is this: can a woman pose in a magazine wearing not a whole lot of anything be considered faithful?
Would you be able to say that your husband, wife, fiance, etc., was faithful if he/she/it laid it out for all to see? In a manner of speaking, of course.
Could it really be said that the act of posing semi-nude (or even close to it) can be the act of a "faithful" spouse? Personally, I just don't see it.

The Orioles, however, are most certainly going to "see it". Kris Benson didn't even get a chance to see what Baltimore has to offer before Baltimore got to see what Anna had to offer.

Sounds prudish, right? The rants of a conservative, overwrought member of the Moral Majority? You got it.

She even had the media asking HER questions. I have a question for her. Do you throw a 90-mph fastball? How 'bout a curve? Slider?

No? Then step away from the microphone, and sit down. We know you're a model. We know you're narcissistic. We know you dig showing off for the menfolk. What we don't know is this: can you stand NOT being the center of attention?

Tell you what; when Kris wins more than 15 games, or at the very least stays healthy for a full year, then he will be relevant in the professional baseball world. When that happens, talk about him all you want. But, frankly, let me save you some time by saying this:

We know you're a "model". We don't care. See if you can manage to keep your clothes on while you're in Baltimore. And if Kris is unfaitiful, maybe therapy is the answer.

After making a threat to sleep with your husband's team, perhaps therapy is a good idea, after all.

C. Riddle
Bitter Old Prude
Green Diamonds